Just Cuz

Ever feel like blogging just because? These past few days have been pretty interesting. Like, in my insides sorta way. A lot of battling...I think. Decisions. If you aren't ready for random, stop reading now.
I feel a certain way when I wake up, for a reson. Chemically, spiritually, whatever it may be. These past few days I've just not wanted to feel anything. I almost feel bad for not feeling. Some will tell me to "press in" or "press through." :\ I just want to watch a movie that feels for me. Maybe I'll do that.
I'm learning stuff about God too. Religion can so get on my nerves, and no, I'm not the controversial Christian type, I just get frustrated with many people who claim to be Christians or get it all wrong. (not saying I'm all right, that's near impossible.) But I love God, more and more just because who He is, how unique, creative. He loves me too much. Really. I have people approaching me all the time, being a loudspeaker for God. No joke. Robby has approached me at least 5 times with specific encouragement and confirmation of what God had begun hours or days prior. Freaks me out.
So, I was at church Sunday. The pastor is very solid. He doesn't sugar coat it, he delivers it straight (thank you PD.) He was praying and asking God to forgive us for being unfaithful. unfaithful. unfaithful. I repeated that word a few times. I claim to have a personal and intimate relationship with God. It implies that I love Him and He loves me. Mutual. Like a marriage. I know it says in the Bible that I am the bride of Christ (I supress all jokes that could go here.) So, God and I are one, I in Him and He in me. Married to God. Does that seem funny? Well, I think it's true. I thought to myself after I heard PD pray like this, "I am married to God and I am unfaithful...how many times do I worship other things including myself...how many times do I run to myself or others for answers and fulfillment...now, I can't beat myself up, God wouldn't dig that at all...if I ever want to be faithful to my spouse and think I wouldn't cheat on them, what says I wouldn't? It seems so shiny, scary, and adventurous to be committed to someone...if I can't be faithful in my current relationship with God, how do I expect to be faithful to that someone?"
That hit me hard. I like it when things hit me for real. I probably have heard 10 teachings on this, but it has struck me for real. I have class in 15 minutes. I'm gonna go. I wonder how I will respond to this revelation. It makes me see it.