feeling the weight

Why, here at home, do I have shallow God time with such deep struggles?

AM Heart's Song

Mark 10:42-45 (Jesus to his mentorees)
42So Jesus called them together and said, "You know that in this world kings are tyrants, and officials lord it over the people beneath them. 43But among you it should be quite different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, 44and whoever wants to be first must be the slave of all. 45For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others, and to give my life as a ransom for many."

This was in my head all morning, didn't know the reference for sure. I think God's saying something as I am home with the family and seeking to "experience" the season as it should be. I think you've done too much in my heart and life to ever experience "normal" again. It freaks me out, but I feel more focused.

Intended for my Condition or Contending for my Intention?: AIM Convo

I have been thinking about this sexual brokeness stuff lately...and when this happens I seem to always have a greater/different perspective on things.

Lately it's been human design..

Like, if we're created to live like a 5, but we only get to a 3. For example..If in our psyches in regards to our sexuality we are nutured into wanting a man love us...possibly stuck at a level 2 or 3 in this area...basically I dont think we choose to live to our full potential. We allow ourselves to stay where we are, and seem to enjoy it. Sexually, I think we are created to experience a level 5 (ultimate) intimacy and love. But I think we get caught up somewhere down the line, and many people stay there. I feel stuck in my development sometimes...even when it all feels so natural.

1) stay here in this stage.
2) do whatever it takes to move forward into what Im designed for.

I think what we want is determined developmentally

My friend Drew agrees here as I write this, he says, "like appetite preferences for onions."

Yet, what if that developmental stage prepares us for less or unhealthy options...such as a guy to love us in a way in which a woman was?

I think men are designed to want women and experience the love and affection of them,.

I also think men are created to experience the love of a man...deeply.

But something, somewhere, has conditioned us to want more from a man than was intended.

Hence, the battle to find true intimacy with men.

We live more by our current condition than our original intention.

My friend Drew says, "see the difference between us is that i dont see anything wrong with acting on conditioning."

Really? Even if one is conditioned to be a murderer or child molester?

I guess one would have to agree on an intended design, in order to live in light of it.

Drew says, " I dont think conditioning from a romantic/relationship perspective is the same thing as conditioning regarding deviance."

I think it depends on who draws the line here. And could one venture to say that dead-end sexuality is deviating from true sexuality?

Oh What Fun it is to Blog!

Hey :) I just posted some pics on the midst of the hustle and bustle in Nashville. They're here. www.joshcoy.com click on HOLIDAY 2005 at the right. Have fun and MERRY CHRISTMAS :)